Child throwing Tantrums? Some Dos and Donts for Parents.

Is your child throwing a lot of tantrums?

Are you confused about what to do and what not to do?

Here are some tips for parents that might help!

December is the season of holidays and for most parents it's also the time to sigh because they are expecting many tantrums from their child.

And tantrum challenges can be triggered by almost  anything! 

Here are some common reasons for your child throwing tantrums:

1) When parents deny them what they want:

• When parents deny them screen time
• When dad refuses to buy yet another chocolate
• When mom asks them to get ready to go to sleep
• When parents suddenly change plans about going out to the park.

2) When they are hungry or tired

• They are acting out because they are too tired or hungry to self regulate themselves
• They are starting to get sick and that makes them too tired
• They haven't slept well
• They are in crowded or noisy places
• They are given too much sugar and the effect of it is slightly wearing off
• They are having other issues like teething,  wearing uncomfortable clothing

3) When there are other reasons:

• The child is testing limits when told 'no' or given rules they dislike
• They do not know how to articulate their feelings and are feeling frustrated
• They want to be more independent and are struggling with doing those tasks
• They just don't want to share their toys or wait their turn in a game
• They are not being given enough attention

Can you think of any other reasons?

What should parents do when the child is throwing tantrums?

In such a situation what should parents do? and what could parents do? Do they have any options at all? Yes they definitely do.

I believe that: 

The sign of great parenting is not the child’s behavior. The sign of truly great parenting is the parent’s behavior.

Parents everywhere get so worked up about how their child behaves in public, about how the child does not listen, how the child doesn’t tidy up after a play, or about the child being naughty.

Parents feel embarrassed when the child throws a tantrum and very often tend to get frustrated or angry as well.

Most parents forget they did the same things in their childhood. 

Parents forget.........

• They forget that throwing tantrums and having these emotional reactions is part of childhood.
• Parents forget that children learn by how parents react to their tantrums. Children learn emotional self-regulation from watching their parents deal with their emotional tantrums.

In fact, every tantrum that your child throws is a great teaching opportunity for emotion management.

Tips for parents to handle tantrums

Here are some tips for parents, some dos and donts that might be useful when children throw tantrums.

• Most importantly, you, the parent, need to stay absolutely calm.
  • Work on your own emotional regulation. Practice breathing exercises and clear your inner mind space.
• Avoid escalating the situation
  • If you can't solve the situation, at least do not escalate it.
  • For example: If the child is throwing a tantrum in a supermarket,  screaming at them will definitely escalate the situation.
• Avoid giving in to their demands because if you do that, you are giving them a message that throwing a tantrum works.
• Instead, try and understand the possible reason why they are throwing the tantrum and address that.
  • If they are hungry, feed them. If they are sick, take care of them.
  • If they are unhappy because they are not getting what they want, be firm and kind and reinforce the boundaries.
  • For example, when your child is throwing tantrums in a supermarket: try diverting their attention to something else, or talk to them as if they are older, and explain to them what’s reasonable and unreasonable and why. 

Parents, here are more tips for you!

More tips for parents:

• Acknowledge their feelings with empathy ('I see you are upset because you wanted to continue watching your show...)
• Offer choices when appropriate so they feel in control.
• Distract or redirect their attention to a different activity or object.
• Set consistent boundaries so they know what to expect.
• Teach them words to express emotions (do it when they feel more calm).

You have the ability to influence them positively

Dear parents, 

You have the ability to influence them positively by training yourself in the right way of disciplining them and handling their tantrums with a calm approach.

As parents, when we behave as responsible adults, our children will behave as responsible children. 

Giving our children choices, being firm and kind with them,  educating them lovingly and enabling them to make right choices are all signs of great parenting.

When we are conscious and aware parents, we raise conscious and aware children.

If you are needing clarity and help, try parent coaching with me!

Parenting is a hard job and we did not have manuals come with every child. (I wish we did though:)

Having raised two daughters, life experience and the many trainings I took has given me a clarity about how to handle many of these parenting challenges.

If you find parenting hard and would like to try out some parent coaching, do check out this link and reach out to me.

Reach out if you want support