Are you worried that your children are not listening to you?
Instead of that, please focus on the fact that....
YOUR CHILDREN ARE ALWAYS WATCHING YOU!
My belief is, what you do is much more important than what you say.
Your children and teens are always watching what you do. They are constantly watching your behavior and learning from it. They see how you deal with stress. They watch how you treat other people and how you react to other’s behavior. They also keenly observe how you deal with your own feelings.
Children are like little sponges and absorb whatever is spoken and whatever they witness. This often overlooked fact highlights the profound impact adult behavior has on their development!
When my daughter was very young, she would come back from school and start teaching her little doll exactly the way her teacher would teach in school. Her high pitched statements and sometimes not so good language revealed so much about her teacher.
Kids are great mimics, they have an ability to mimic the way you speak, your words, your beliefs and behavior!
Kids repeat what they hear, and they imitate what they see. This is exactly why, as parents, we need to be mindful of the things we are inadvertently teaching our children.
Even when we think our children aren't paying attention, it's essential to be a positive role model.
It’s not very easy to always model appropriate behavior for our kids all the time, and certainly no one expects us to be perfect. But, as parents, we should make a sincere attempt to model the rules we want our kids to follow.
No point in worrying that our kids are not listening. It's time we worried that they are always always watching us.
What is the impact of adult behavior on children?
Emotional Regulation:
Children watch how adults manage their emotions. If they observe adults handling stress with calmness and composure, they are more likely to adopt similar strategies. But if they see you get angry, anxious or having a negative perspective on life, that's what they subconsciously pick up!
Social Interactions:
Children are also observing how you deal with other adults, your relative, friends, colleagues, neighbors and the strangers you meet everyday. The way adults interact with others sets a standard for children.
Both my daughters learnt how to say, 'thank you' to the auto-driver in India while alighting at their destination. They learnt dignity of labor and respected people of all classes because that's what they saw in the adults around them.
Politeness, empathy, and active listening are learned through observation. Children who see respectful and kind interactions are more likely to replicate those behaviors.
Work Ethic and Responsibility:
Observing adults approach their responsibilities with diligence and a positive attitude teaches children the value of hard work and perseverance. If children see us making the bed, they will learn that soon (provided we do not keep doing it for them).
If they see us going on time to work, they learn that. If they see us displaying cleanliness around the home, they will pick that up as well.
Healthy Habits:
Lifestyle choices, such as eating habits, exercise, and leisure activities, are greatly influenced by adult behavior. Children are more inclined to follow healthy routines if they see their caregivers doing the same.
One of my friends and her husband were always particular about healthy eating and adequate exercise. She told me, the other day, how both her boys, who are now adults, are completely into fitness and are very mindful of what they eat!
So, then, a question you might have is:
How can I be a positive role-model for my child?
Here are some practical Tips for Positive Role Modeling
- Be Mindful of Actions: Understand that everyday actions, even seemingly trivial ones, are being observed.
Strive to demonstrate positive behaviors consistently.
- Communicate Effectively: Use positive language and active listening when communicating with children and others. Explain the reasons behind actions and decisions to help children understand and learn.
Positive communication is key.
- Show Empathy and Kindness: Model empathy in interactions with others. Engage in acts of kindness and explain the importance of empathy to children.
Practice random and not so random acts of kindness
- Manage Stress Positively: Demonstrate healthy ways to cope with stress, such as deep breathing, exercise, or discussing problems openly and calmly.
Work on your stress
- Encourage Curiosity and Learning: Display a love for learning and curiosity. Engage in educational activities and hobbies, and encourage children to explore their interests.
Be curious and encourage learning.
- Practice Self-Care: Show children the importance of self-care by taking time for activities that promote physical and mental well-being.
Practice self-care & self-love
When we take efforts in positive role-modeling, children will automatically observe us and listen to our words.
How we are, what we do, how we behave, how we handle stress all of these add up to our parenting strategies. Honestly, in my opinion, parenting is all about self-transformation.