Dear Parents, Do you get worried constantly about your anxious child?
Here are 5 Parenting tips that will be very useful to you to help you to reduce your child's anxiety levels. This will in turn reduce your worries too!
Regardless of the age of the child, as parents we find ourselves thinking about about how we can help our child. We notice small and big problems in the life of the child and we then start worrying constantly about that increasing our own anxiety.
When we do not know what to do, we start worrying and in that worry mode might say things that frustrate our child even more.
So, dear parents, instead of fretting and worrying, try these tips and see how much more calmer your child and you, both feel.
Parenting Tip # 1: Help your child make friends
We find many children who might have social anxiety and do not have many friends. As a result, the child is lonely, left out and feels alone. The problem is compounded when they check their social media and finds pictures and posts of other people their age who seem to having a lot of fun.
Once you notice that your child is lonely and sad, that troubles you too isn't it? You start asking yourself, what can I do to help? How can I help my child be more social and have more friends.
Research has proven that we do not need a whole bunch of friends to be happy and less lonely. All we need is 1 or 2 good friends. That is all we need to have quality conversations.
Talk to your child and encourage her to meet and talk to this one person. Once your child finds a good connection with this one person, she may then find herself going to new events, new places and choosing new experiences with this one person. Over time, this will go a long way in helping her overcome social anxiety.
Parenting Tip # 2: Help your child overcome fear of judgement from friends.
Once your child has at least one or two friends, you are happy and give a sigh of relief. But, wait, then you may find your child anxious again, because she is worrying constantly what her friends think about her.
Your child is worried that her friend/s can see how awkward she is when she talks to people, or that her friends can sense how nervous she is when she is making the class presentation. She is worried that they are judging her for her looks, for her mannerisms, for her performances and so on.
Fear of judgement can go to any length and you may find that because of this fear, your child starts distancing herself once again and avoids people, events and gatherings.
What can you, as a parent, do in this situation?
Tell your child that you are not transparent, You are not a jelly fish.
Your feelings and thoughts cannot be seen and known by others, unless you share with them.
You can suggest to your child that she asks one of her friends to record her when she makes her presentation and double check with the recording if her awkwardness, her nervousness is visible to others.
Explain to your child that most of the time, we are over imagining it and in reality, others cannot see whats going on in her mind.
Parenting Tip # 3: Help your child learn and practice coping skills in times of anxiety
Anxiety can seem like a terrible monster to children. They may feel like running away from the situation or hiding under the bed.
And these are all normal responses. These stress responses are wired into our nervous system.
However, once your child learns and practices healthy coping mechanisms, anxiety will not feel as much of a monster for her. She will realize that "it's only anxiety!" And develop a healthier and more powerful relationship with her anxious thoughts.
So, as a parent, teach her 1-2 coping mechanisms that your child can practice in anxious situations.
I recommend, starting with breathing techniques. Simple inhalation- exhalation at the 3-6 count or 4-8 count, when repeated for 18-20 rounds will calm the nervous system and reduce anxiety greatly. Check out this link for other methods to help us be more calm.
However, it's important to teach the breathing technique to them when they are relatively calmer and help them practice it well.
Then there is higher probability for them to do this when they are in the middle of anxiety.
One important note for parents is that don't nag them to do the coping skills. Rather encourage them to audio record their coping skill in their phone.
In moments of anxiety, all they need to do is simply play back the recording and listen to their own voice guiding them what to do. Believe me, they will be far more responsive to their own voice guidance for breathing slowly.
Parenting Tip # 4: Role Model healthy coping skills for your child
If you have a child prone to anxious thinking and behavior, simply telling him what to do is not helpful.
Research tells us that children learn mostly by what parents do rather than what the parents are telling them to do.
And while we all know it at some level, we do not pay enough attention to our own behavior and responses.
Also, it is most likely that when your child is anxious, one or both parents are also prone to bouts of anxiety.
So, work on yourself.
Try different coping mechanisms and identify which one works better for you. Then practice that in front of your child.
Your child needs to see you breathing or using positive words and affirmations. The more she sees you using healthy coping mechanisms, the more she will be likely to use those mechanisms herself when she needs it.
Parenting Tip # 5: Help your child to remember to breathe during anxious situations
Parents, you might have taught a few breathing techniques to your child to help them be more calm and relaxed. And maybe your child is also clear about the technique and how to practice it.
But.....
Mere knowing is not enough to get results, one has to actually practice it to feel the changes in your nervous system and mind.
(Just like, if you are hungry, it's not adequate to know how to cook a particular recipe. You need to actually cook and eat for the hunger to be satisfied.)
So, the million dollar question is, How can we help our child remember to practice their breathing techniques when they begin feeling anxious.
Airline pilots practice in a simulated environment.
Similarly get your child to practice these breathing techniques in a simulated environment.
This could be after they have done a workout or climbed a tree or done anything that has made their heart beat faster and their breathing more rapid.
After a workout, when they practice their deep breathing for 2-3 minutes, they feel the difference immediately and this creates a nice routine for them to calm themselves.
These were some tips to help you build more resilience for your child and help him/her cope better with life's challenging situations.
If this has been useful for you, leave a comment below and let me know.