December is the season of holidays and for most parents it's also the time to sigh because they are expecting many tantrums from their child.

And tantrum challenges can be triggered by almost  anything! 

Here are some common reasons for your child throwing tantrums:

1) When parents deny them what they want:

• When parents deny them screen time
• When dad refuses to buy yet another chocolate
• When mom asks them to get ready to go to sleep
• When parents suddenly change plans about going out to the park.

2) When they are hungry or tired

• They are acting out because they are too tired or hungry to self regulate themselves
• They are starting to get sick and that makes them too tired
• They haven't slept well
• They are in crowded or noisy places
• They are given too much sugar and the effect of it is slightly wearing off
• They are having other issues like teething,  wearing uncomfortable clothing

3) When there are other reasons:

• The child is testing limits when told 'no' or given rules they dislike
• They do not know how to articulate their feelings and are feeling frustrated
• They want to be more independent and are struggling with doing those tasks
• They just don't want to share their toys or wait their turn in a game
• They are not being given enough attention

Can you think of any other reasons?

What should parents do when the child is throwing tantrums?

In such a situation what should parents do? and what could parents do? Do they have any options at all? Yes they definitely do.

I believe that: 

The sign of great parenting is not the child’s behavior. The sign of truly great parenting is the parent’s behavior.

Parents everywhere get so worked up about how their child behaves in public, about how the child does not listen, how the child doesn’t tidy up after a play, or about the child being naughty.

Parents feel embarrassed when the child throws a tantrum and very often tend to get frustrated or angry as well.

Most parents forget they did the same things in their childhood. 

Parents forget.........

• They forget that throwing tantrums and having these emotional reactions is part of childhood.
• Parents forget that children learn by how parents react to their tantrums. Children learn emotional self-regulation from watching their parents deal with their emotional tantrums.

In fact, every tantrum that your child throws is a great teaching opportunity for emotion management.

Tips for parents to handle tantrums

Here are some tips for parents, some dos and donts that might be useful when children throw tantrums.

• Most importantly, you, the parent, need to stay absolutely calm.
  • Work on your own emotional regulation. Practice breathing exercises and clear your inner mind space.
• Avoid escalating the situation
  • If you can't solve the situation, at least do not escalate it.
  • For example: If the child is throwing a tantrum in a supermarket,  screaming at them will definitely escalate the situation.
• Avoid giving in to their demands because if you do that, you are giving them a message that throwing a tantrum works.
• Instead, try and understand the possible reason why they are throwing the tantrum and address that.
  • If they are hungry, feed them. If they are sick, take care of them.
  • If they are unhappy because they are not getting what they want, be firm and kind and reinforce the boundaries.
  • For example, when your child is throwing tantrums in a supermarket: try diverting their attention to something else, or talk to them as if they are older, and explain to them what’s reasonable and unreasonable and why. 

Parents, here are more tips for you!

More tips for parents:

• Acknowledge their feelings with empathy ('I see you are upset because you wanted to continue watching your show...)
• Offer choices when appropriate so they feel in control.
• Distract or redirect their attention to a different activity or object.
• Set consistent boundaries so they know what to expect.
• Teach them words to express emotions (do it when they feel more calm).

You have the ability to influence them positively

Dear parents, 

You have the ability to influence them positively by training yourself in the right way of disciplining them and handling their tantrums with a calm approach.

As parents, when we behave as responsible adults, our children will behave as responsible children. 

Giving our children choices, being firm and kind with them,  educating them lovingly and enabling them to make right choices are all signs of great parenting.

When we are conscious and aware parents, we raise conscious and aware children.

If you are needing clarity and help, try parent coaching with me!

Parenting is a hard job and we did not have manuals come with every child. (I wish we did though:)

Having raised two daughters, life experience and the many trainings I took has given me a clarity about how to handle many of these parenting challenges.

If you find parenting hard and would like to try out some parent coaching, do check out this link and reach out to me.

Reach out if you want support

4 reasons why you should prioritize sleep!

Dear friend, 

You are important and your health is very important.

Let me share 4 very powerful reasons why you should focus on developing a healthy sleep hygiene.

But  firstly do you know what is sleep hygiene?

Watch the video to understand:

What is sleep hygiene? Why is it important?

4 reasons why you should prioritize sleep!

Here are 4 super reasons why sleep hygiene matters and why you should prioritize sleep.

1. Mental clarity and focus: 

• Poor sleep impacts cognitive function. 

• And you would have noticed how after a poor night's sleep, your concentration and focus goes down drastically?
  

2. Emotional Resilience:  

• Yelling, screaming, frequent upsets and in general stress seems to be much higher without adequate sleep. 

• We end up struggling with emotional regulation.

3. Physical health: 

• Consistent restorative sleep supports immune function, heart health and hormonal balance. 
• This means if you are sleeping well, there is more likelihood for your periods to be regular, thyroid levels to be normal and other chronic conditions to be minimal.

4. Digital Overload and Sleep Disruption: 

• Exposure to blue light from screens before bed is the biggest factor today that disrupts melatonin, a crucial hormone for our sleep. 
• Which means, disconnecting is essential for restful sleep.

If you are having trouble sleeping......

Don't hesitate to seek support. 

Remember you are valuable, your wellbeing is important!

How can I help you?

As an Anxiety Life coach and an Hypnotherapist, I know how important it is to sleep well.

I have a whole bunch of toolkits that will help you in getting back to better quality of sleep.

These are some of the my focus areas when I work with clients with sleep issues: 

1. Help you create a good sleep hygiene by ironing out unwanted distractions in and around sleep time;
2. Help you create a physical environment conducive to sleep around you;
3. Help you create a sleep mindset: moving from wanting to be in charge to letting go and relaxing;
4. Help you maneuver your mind from overthinking and worry state to the relaxed state of surrender.

Reach out if you want support

If you are needing help and support to have a good night's sleep, do reach out and you can see if my methods and approach are aligned to your needs.

Reach out to me by:

Text or WhatsApp me @ +1-408-508-9419

or schedule a free complimentary consult at the link below!

If you know someone who has sleep related issues, share this article with them!

Are you worried that your children are not  listening to you?

Instead of that, please focus on the fact that....

YOUR CHILDREN ARE ALWAYS WATCHING YOU!

My belief is, what you do is much more important than what you say. 

Your children and teens are always watching what you do. They are constantly watching your behavior and learning from it. They see how you deal with  stress. They watch how you treat other people and how you react to other’s behavior. They also keenly observe how you deal with your own feelings.  

Children are like little sponges and absorb whatever is spoken and whatever they witness. This often overlooked fact highlights the profound impact adult behavior has on their development!

When my daughter was very young, she would come back from school and start teaching her little doll exactly the way her teacher would teach in school. Her high pitched statements and sometimes not so good language revealed so much about her teacher.

Kids are great mimics, they have an ability to mimic the way you speak, your words, your beliefs and behavior!

Kids repeat what they hear, and they imitate what they see. This is exactly why, as parents, we need to be mindful of the things we are  inadvertently teaching our children.

 Even when we think our children aren't paying attention, it's essential to be a positive role model.

It’s not very easy  to always model appropriate behavior for our kids all the time, and certainly no one  expects us to be perfect. But, as parents, we should make a sincere attempt to model the rules we want our kids to follow.

No point in worrying that our kids are not listening.  It's time we worried that they are always always watching us.

What is the impact of adult behavior on children?

Emotional Regulation: 

Children watch how adults manage their emotions. If they observe adults handling stress with calmness and composure, they are more likely to adopt similar strategies. But if they see you get angry, anxious or having a negative perspective on life, that's what they subconsciously pick up!

Social Interactions: 

Children are also observing how you deal with other adults, your relative, friends, colleagues, neighbors and the strangers you meet everyday. The way adults interact with others sets a standard for children.

Both my daughters learnt how to say, 'thank you' to the auto-driver in India while alighting at their destination. They learnt dignity of labor and respected people of all classes because that's what they saw in the adults around them.

Politeness, empathy, and active listening are learned through observation. Children who see respectful and kind interactions are more likely to replicate those behaviors.

Work Ethic and Responsibility: 

Observing adults approach their responsibilities with diligence and a positive attitude teaches children the value of hard work and perseverance. If children see us making the bed, they will learn that soon (provided we do not keep doing it for them).

If they see us going on time to work, they learn that. If they see us displaying cleanliness around the home, they will pick that up as well.

Healthy Habits: 

Lifestyle choices, such as eating habits, exercise, and leisure activities, are greatly influenced by adult behavior. Children are more inclined to follow healthy routines if they see their caregivers doing the same.

One of my friends and her husband were always particular about healthy eating and adequate exercise. She told me, the other day, how both her boys, who are now adults,  are completely into fitness and are very mindful of what they eat!

So, then, a question you might have is:

How can I be a positive role-model for my child?

Here are some practical Tips for Positive Role Modeling

• Be Mindful of Actions: Understand that everyday actions, even seemingly trivial ones, are being observed.

Strive to demonstrate positive behaviors consistently.

• Communicate Effectively: Use positive language and active listening when communicating with children and others. Explain the reasons behind actions and decisions to help children understand and learn.

Positive communication is key.

• Show Empathy and Kindness: Model empathy in interactions with others. Engage in acts of kindness and explain the importance of empathy to children.

Practice random and not so random  acts of kindness

• Manage Stress Positively: Demonstrate healthy ways to cope with stress, such as deep breathing, exercise, or discussing problems openly and calmly.

Work on your stress

• Encourage Curiosity and Learning: Display a love for learning and curiosity. Engage in educational activities and hobbies, and encourage children to explore their interests.

Be curious and encourage learning.

• Practice Self-Care: Show children the importance of self-care by taking time for activities that promote physical and mental well-being.

Practice self-care & self-love

When we take efforts in positive role-modeling, children will automatically observe us and listen to our words.

How we are, what we do, how we behave, how we handle stress all of these add up to our parenting strategies. Honestly, in my opinion, parenting is all about self-transformation.

If we want our children to be healthy and responsible adults, we simply focus on the small daily actions and positive behaviors of today.

What we do is far more powerful than what we say!

5 reasons why everyone should have a practice of self-care!

Are you practicing self-care?

And by self-care, I mean taking care of your entire self:

• Nurturing your body

• Nurturing your mind

• Nurturing your entire self!
  

Most of us lead such busy lives that we are constantly moving from one task to another, from one event to another. But this kind of 'busyness' frequently affects our self-care and our overall health!

You may argue, that I do exercise thrice a week. Or, that I am eating my greens regularly. Or I am keeping my mind more calmer with a regular practice of meditation.

That's great and yes, all of the above are part of self-care.

However,  my conversation about self-care is the holistic nurturing of the entire self and giving time, energy and attention to all aspects of you that need you!

Here is an example that will help explain this:

Neena is a busy working mom also taking care of three young kids. She tries to feed her children nutritious meals and wants to expose them to different activities. 

In the process of doing all of this, she finds herself sleeping late and getting up very early. She also is more stressed at work and ends up having an underlying anxiety because there is always so much to do.

Here are 5 reasons why you should be practicing more self-care:

1) Self-care gifts you more energy to do all the things you love to do in a way that brings more satisfaction to your life.
2) Self-care moves you from a quantitative movement through life to a more qualitative acceptance and understanding of life. You move from 'I have to do more tasks, more activities, more exercise' to ' Doing these tasks were so fulfilling'.
3) With increased self-care you find the joy component in your life increasing. It might even feel odd that by doing 'less' you are getting 'more'. More joy, more time, more energy!
4)  Your health and vitality increases enormously. You feel a sense of vibrant energy that you may not have felt for a long time.
5)  With greater happiness because of self-care comes greater fulfillment in relationships. You are able to make deeper and stronger connections with people. As you learn to love yourself better through self-care, you are able to love others more deeply!

 Are you liking this post? Do share with someone who might need to hear this today.

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In my client sessions, I frequently recommend practicing gratitude journaling. Why do I do that? Because of its enormous benefits on both the physical and mental health for my client.

In this fast-paced world filled with constant distractions and pressures, it's easy to lose sight of the little things that bring us joy and peace.

However, practicing gratitude can be a powerful tool to help us reconnect with what truly matters and unlock a deep sense of happiness and well-being.

What is gratitude ?

6 Life-Changing Reasons to Practice Gratitude

Six reasons why you should practice gratitude, life-changing reasons :

Aren’t these great reasons to start a gratitude practice today?

Boundary setting is a very essential part of anxiety management.

Do you know what boundaries are?

Do you know why they are needed?

 When we set boundaries in life, it helps us develop better self-esteem, healthier relationships and more happiness in life.

 Boundaries also help maintain our emotional safety.

Boundaries are limits that we set that helps us differentiate who we are compared to who the other person is.

Watch the video where I share some more examples about boundaries.

Learning to say NO is an important aspect of boundary setting.

When we are unable to say NO to our loved ones, to our friends to our colleagues, we do not have boundaries with them.

When we do not have boundaries, we allow others to intrude into our space and allow them to affect us physically, emotionally, we allow them to take up our time.

Boundaries are limits that we place in our lives, in our relationships. They could be physical or emotional boundaries.

If someone abuses you in a discussion, that is a sign that boundaries have been crossed. If someone yells at you, uses harsh or uncouth language, those are transgression of boundaries. If someone touches you in an improper way, that is boundary transgression.

People cross boundaries of time too.

Boundaries  of time can also be crossed when well-meaning friends or relatives can take up our time and we are unable to say NO to them. When someone calls us announced and keeps talking without considering whether we were busy with something else, that is a transgression of our boundary.

Setting boundaries is important because that means we are standing up for ourselves, for our needs, for our opinions, for our feelings. 

Boundary setting helps us live our lives at our own terms. That helps us value our needs, value our feelings and stand up for ourselves.

I hope this was helpful to give you a perspective of what boundaries are and why they are needed.

We all struggle with different aspects of boundary setting. Some of us may struggle with an inability to say NO, some may struggle with not able to share their opinions or feelings.

What do you struggle with? Do share where you struggle with laying down boundaries in the comments below.